Unbound

I have no lifelong friends, for I had no childhood friends at all. This isn't a statement seeking sympathy, but rather, a happy choice I still stand by. There were acquaintances around town, boys I hung with a half-dozen times, events attended as a third-tier guest. Then there were my cousins and siblings, but I was the youngest. Not by much, but a year in your youth is a gulf. I was known by many; not known well by any at all. I had high expectations of friendship. For introverts, it's got to be as good as being alone — and hopefully better, on occasion. But that never quite seemed to happen.

Aged twelve in summer '99, Liam invited me to his birthday party. He was my father’s secretary’s son, so we knew each other in passing. Hung out watching my Jurassic Park VHS or playing video games. It all went down at the Bridgetown pool, and while being shirtless with strange kids wasn't appealing, I came despite disinterest. Sitting skinny on the side with my legs in the water, gormless guest with no mutual friends, waiting for the end. Party favors were WWF stickers, but I disdained professional wrestling — so I peeled off my Hulk Hogans, stuck them on my soles, then ran around grinding them into the ground. This caused offense among the ‘wrasslin’ fans. My invitation was revealed as his mother's idea, of course. Apparently he's around, but I've never seen him. Small towns aren't so small after all.

In my late teens, I wondered over failed friendships; if it was worth working harder. Took some shots at closer connections, all girls. First one I dated (name redacted), then the rest platonic in the late 2000s. Good kids, still recall them clearly now — Eden, Holly, Steff, Kailey, Chelsea, and Kaitlin. But by my mid-twenties, I was loving it alone. That's when a sudden Susy appeared, an unbound extrovert to finally make it fit. Monosyllabic conversations of my youth blossomed into hours passionately talking, telling all that could be told. She inhabited a depth I'd craved, a soul who knew herself and let me in. Of course we fell in love, and still are. To this day, I can't hold a friendship to the blinding light of her.

Summer 2001
Beaconsfield, Nova Scotia