Light at the End

When you're naturally pessimistic, an aversion to negativity has significant value. Looking on the downside should be nothing to get down about. It's always been my nature to imagine the worst. When I was a kid, that really made me miserable, obsessed with things like asteroid impacts, deaths of loved ones, and the end of the world. But it also drove me to greater understanding, a need to learn the complexities behind human belief, resilience, and probability. Something like drilling to the bedrock bottom, so I could be sure how far it was back up. I can easily recognize a person who's never faced their darkness. They're most likely to use the phrase: "I don't want to talk about it." They feel safer with an unobserved heart. They imagine that thinking black thoughts brings misery, but they're already miserable with the weight of avoidance. When I started writing, I targeted all the darkest, cob-webbed corners of my brain. Mining what often seemed insane so I could dig it out for a good, hard look. In that way, I discovered a path to hope — it was only the light at the end of the tunnel that made my shadow seem so imposing.

July 17, 2025
Morden, Nova Scotia

Year 18, Day 6458 of my daily journal.